It's been a week since the ruling. While I am proud of it as a good solid victory for the community,in many ways I can't help feeling as though everybody else won, not me, not Brindi. At least for now.
A very kind person told me tonight on the phone - and we never finished our chat - that they were at the SPCA shelter on Christmas day when the blackout happened. After helping out at the shelter for a while, this person later decided to hold Brindi close and look into her eyes to comfort her. Her beautiful eyes, like almond jewels, expressing such a range of thought and emotion. There's so much she needs to be comforted for. I am sure it was a big comfort, at such a frightening time, after so many months away from home. I was so grateful to hear this, and at the same time, it brought everything back into painful focus, how sensitive Brindi is to all these things and the toll it is taking on her. And the toll it takes on me to know this, and be helpless to do anything about it.
I can't stop sobbing about this now, right now, I cannot stop crying, it is so awful. It was so incredibly kind for them to do that and let me know. But realizing yet again what is like for Brindi, all alone the rest of the time... and here's me, sleeping the whole day on Christmas, so I didn't have to be aware, to feel anything, then finding out about the blackout the next day.
Words cannot do it justice, how sad this makes me feel.
Every night is like that for her. She needs love, she needs to be held and comforted. She used to have such nightmares. I can't imagine what they're like now.
I will never be the same, nor will she.
If they kill her... I failed. I already failed; I can't get her out, even though I won. I waited over five months to go to court; I did all I could, I worked so hard to help my lawyer, and I risked everything. Nothing should be preventing her from coming home now. Nothing but unfounded fear and speculation, and whatever else is going on behind closed doors that neither I nor my lawyer can find a way to stop, now, this minute.
I will never be the same, nor will she.
If they kill her... I failed. I already failed; I can't get her out, even though I won. I waited over five months to go to court; I did all I could, I worked so hard to help my lawyer, and I risked everything. Nothing should be preventing her from coming home now. Nothing but unfounded fear and speculation, and whatever else is going on behind closed doors that neither I nor my lawyer can find a way to stop, now, this minute.
Tonight, and every night after this one, all dogs living in HRM homes are safe from being seized and killed without warning. Their owners will be able to take their case before a judge, within a month or two at most, without the expense of a lawyer, without need of separation from their loved one.
But my loved one is not safe, she's not well, and she's not with me, where she belongs, where she wants to be, where I want her so much, to look into her eyes and hold her.
I don't expect thanks for changing the law. All I ask in return is for Brindi to come back home, so I can stop sobbing at 3 am, and she can feel secure and loved once again. Then I can celebrate a victory in full.
And Linda and Richard can celebrate the Christmas they postponed until Brindi comes home.
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Francesca, I realize words spoken aren't any help & I really do not know what to say. I send you & Brindi love every day, pray & hope every day, as do many others. We aren't in your "shoes" can't feel your actual agony, but we hurt with you & we will keep fighting with you the best we can. Please know as you sob, we are holding you both in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteFrancesca,
ReplyDeleteI share the sentiment of "whispers." Our hearts and thoughts are with you and Brindi. You are not suffering alone, although I cannot imagine what you are going through. If they seized my dog like they did Brinci, I would have started a hunger strike right away as close to the shelter as I could get, and by now, I would have my dog back, or we would both be dead. But the officials in Halifax have no cocern for the public's safety, only for their false pride. They are keeping Brindi from you as an act of retaliation for the bad PR "you" brought onto Halifax. You wounded their egos. They now have a chance to get back at you. That's why they are doing what they are doing. What evil, evil people.
What a dark, compassionless place Halifax must be. Surely there must be one person among the city's officials who knows right from wrong.
Hi Francesca. I am so very sorry that you and Brindi are STILL going through this heartache. I can honestly say that I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but a couple of years ago, I lost my cat. After a week of not being able to find him, I felt as though I was going crazy. I prayed and cried and cursed the world and constantly looked for him. To have Brindi within reach, but not being able to have her home and not being able to at least visit her must be excruciating. We are here for you. Please know that we are all thinking and praying for you to have this resolved and to bring Brindi home safe and sound as she should be.
ReplyDeleteMy cat finally made it back home to me....Brindi will be back home with you soon.
Hi Francesca, I have just seen this. I can't imagine what you are going thru and have gone thru for the last 6 months. I sit here looking at my two rescue dogs trying to imagine what it would be like if one of them were in Brindi's shoes, I just can't.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know my heart and tears are with you, I hope that the Shelter will finally relinquish their illegal hold on Brindi and let her come home with you where she belongs. This has gone on too long, time for her to come home.
You have not failed.
ReplyDeleteYou put up a ferocious fight against a merciless enemy and won an extraordinary victory over far superior forces. They won a small victory themselves. But this war is not over until we say it's over and that will be the day that Brindi comes home.
It's like the new president said, we have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off....You can't give up because if u do u won't see the solution thats within ur grasp. The true test is if u can make a mistake but be better off because of it.
I should mention that I didnt actually visit her kennel..she was already out being walked and I was asked to watch her for awhile as darkness fell. So we spent a brief time together and I just felt like hugging her..for her and for you. I looked into her eyes and I have never seen eyes so big and friendly, and piercing. Like she wuz looking at me and trying to ask for help but didn't know how. But she didn't have to ask at all...help is on the way.
" The only easy day was yesterday."
I pray that you get your dog back soon & this horrible ordeal will be over for you & Brindi
ReplyDelete